green apples

Just came in from the dentist. Ugh, hate hate hate anesthetic-induced grogginess. Also, I keep swallowing blood because I can't close my mouth properly and the gauze pad will not stay in place.

Blood is gross, y'all.

And I'm groggy.

::goes off to bed::

Phone rings, I pick it up. It's the BFF.

Me: hey!
Him: wassup? wanna come over and play video games with me?
Me: you're home? On a Sunday? Don't you have some socializing to get done?
Him: Nah, the sister's not home so I thought I'd enjoy the place all by myself?
Me: which explains the invite to play video games. Is this your subtle way of asking me to drop by the bakery and bring you some kind of tooth destroyer or another?
Him: ...there's a spider on the ceiling.
Me. I see.

He hates spiders.

Him: can you come over and get rid of it? My sister's not around, did I mention that?
Me: dude, spiders are little things you can shoo out of places, you don't even have to splat them or anything.
Him: you mean as opposed to maggots that must be squished to death by your abnegated friend or else you'll start crying?
Me: shut up, that was low. Wait for me downstairs and I'm not dropping by the bakery, just so you know.

I'm leaving now, there might be some ice cream in my future. For the record, maggots are gross, spiders are merely many-legged.

1. Accidentally knock over the salt shaker. As you watch it tumble to the floor hope against the laws of physics of these things that it does not fall on it's top.
2. Curse as it falls on it's top.
3. IMPORTANT: When picking salt shaker up from the floor, DO NOT TURN IT UPRIGHT. Maintain the bottom up as you lift FOR MAXIMUM SPILLAGE.
4. Consider self-induced headdesking.
5. As you sweep off the little white hillock standing in bold contrast with the dark tiles of your floor, take a moment to indulge in florid prose and then consider yourself lucky for your lack of superstition.
5a. Should you happen to believe in these things, proceed to toss approximately a teaspoonful of salt over left shoulder in order to counteract/avoid whatever effect spilled salt is supposed to have on your right shoulder life.
5ai. Er, sweep off the intentionally tossed salt?

Thank you for reading, and may I wish you a happy water-retention free, low sodium life (until tomorrow, anyway, when you can go to the convenience store to get more salt).

::curtsies::

Oh, man. You know you need to get off your ass when an entire weekend can be qualified as productive solely because you (finally!) shaved your legs.

Although, it bears noticing that upon a second reading of A Game of Thrones, realization dawned that I really like Queen Cersei and kind of want to smack Eddard Stark around something fierce. Also Arya remains glorious and Jon Snow is still mah boy. Plus I have this new-found love, (though love is not the right word, I guess care for her arc is the appropriate concept here) for Cat Stark, the first time she, like Sansa, rubbed me in ALL THE WRONG WAYS, but I guess I'm more mature now ::coughshutupcough:: and her general situation and struggle is more interesting and resonating than before. Though I find myself hard-pressed to give my unconditional love to anybody who is not Arya or Bran or Jon. Or Dany. Yet, I keep on reading so, well played Mr. Author, well played.

Got the second book (which I've never read) in the series already lined up and everything. Will get to it right after I'm done with the current Terry Pratchett (The Truth, in case you were curious. And in this particular universe, I've no qualms with pledging my unbreakable loyalty to all and sundry. Excellently played, Mr. Author). Then I'll get back to the complicated political hijinks of Westeros and adjacent lands.

Ugh, I hate that my windows are located in such a fashion that NO BREEZE EVER GETS IN, which means that no matter how fresh outside, unless the walls themselves are cool, its an over in here and I'm sweating and getting itchy and annoyed. AUTUMN, SHOW YER FACE, DUDE.

One day I'll not make a point of pointing out to you how utterly fantastic I think Bradders is. Today, is not that day.

Because he has excellent penmanship and also uses phrases like 'the written form of the Merlin experience'. Also, his signature here is rather badass in the best of ways. Also love how loopy Katie's handwriting is.

On less interesting, but in no way less badass news, today I took a nap, right? and dreamed that I was some sort of sidekick to a heroine who looked suspiciously like La Jolie, and while I was not actually this heroine person, I got to uncover the trap, fool the nurse while Angie kicked ass and DRIVE THE GET AWAY CAR. Yup, even my subconscious thinks I'm a BAMF. And no, this is not a JD situation in which my inferiority complex leads me to be the sidekick and NOT the hero, because I GOT TO DRIVE THE GET AWAY CAR, and obviously only the most coolest of the Cool Sidekicks get to do that, so your arguments are invalid.

Good night, y'all.